Today, I deleted my Facebook account.
Today, I also had a revelation about who I am. Or better: Who I am not. Which is part of my decision to remove ‘Wiebke (Struck) Thrasher’ from Facebook.
I am not always as happy as my photos on Facebook made me look. My marriage is not perfect. There are days where I wish I wasn’t a mother. My dog doesn’t always listen. I am not a compassionate person. God has been taken a backseat in my life (because I put Him there). I use cake mix for my banana bread. Sometimes I go to bed without brushing my teeth. I am jealous. A lot. Instead of being grateful for the things I have, I create wish lists online with more things I want. I tithe. But I have been holding back on my offerings. I always drive faster than the speed limit. Most nights, I am too exhausted and just nurse Emma to sleep instead of teaching her to fall asleep on her own. Prayer hasn’t been part of my daily routine. I am easily offended. My expectations in friends are too high. For the past year, I haven’t shown my husband enough respect. Sometimes I wear a pair of jeans for an entire week. As of late, I am struggling to honor my stepfather. I don’t like some of our neighbors. Often, I find myself being envious of other people’s lives. I want to lose weight but can’t stop eating ice cream. I keep starting projects but never see them through. I still feel like I failed with my business. I get angry. Things I say inside our home should never be heard outside.
And what has all of this to do with Facebook, you wonder?
First, I felt that I was representing a person that wasn’t me. Second, I also felt utterly distracted from dealing with myself. I realized I need to get rid of ‘stuff’ and shift my focus on important things like God, my husband, my baby, my dog. I desperately need a clean slate and a renewed spirit.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. ~ Psalm 51:10
Today was the beginning of my personal clean-up. Facebook was the first step, I no longer have wish lists on Amazon, Crate and Barrel or Etsy (Favorites). I even went as far as unsubscribing from all those blogs that make me want more stuff.
Tomorrow, I’ll drop off all of Emma’s outgrown baby clothes at the Homeless Prenatal Program.
Next step, selling my business inventory. And starting therapy.
Wow, even this blog post was like striptease for my soul. I promise the next post will be cheery and chirpy again. So, don’t leave me.