Stay-At-Home Mom :: A Job Description

A not-too-serious job description. (Get yourself a latte – it’s a long read but worth it. Promise.)

The position
The SAHM is charged with the responsibility of

  1. the care and development of a brand new human being,
  2. the care of the family dog,
  3. the maintenance and staging of the family home,
  4. the beautification and maintenance of self.

Some major tasks include:

  • Feeding baby healthy and balanced age-appropriate meals including fresh breast milk – bottled or straight up.
  • Entertaining baby with safe, non-toxic toys that spark creativity, imagination and curiosity.
  • Protecting baby from harm, pain and disappointment.
  • Assisting with hygienic care including but not limited to diaper changes, hair and body wash, ear cleaning, teeth brushing, application of moisturizer, sunscreen, band aids and ointments when necessary.
  • Teaching Sign Language and German.
  • Cultivating German traditions.
  • Executing the following activities: Soothing, singing, reading, educating, making funny faces, laughing out loud, commenting, demonstrating, disciplining, cuddling, kissing, carrying, strolling and gently wrestling.
  • Facilitating attendance of swim lessons, ballet classes, soccer practice and piano lessons.

Other essential duties include:

  • Present baby and her progress during standing meetings with pediatrician.
  • Ensure baby’s mile stones are met in a timely manner.
  • Provide feedback on baby and her development to all family members, god parents and friends who care enough to listen.
  • Maintain an online photo sharing site, a mommy blog, a Facebook page, a Twitter and Pinterest profile for personal aspiration and in pursuit of own dream to write professionally.
  • Show every attempt to keep up with a handwritten baby memory book.

Additional duties include:

  • Nurture existing relationships with close girlfriends.
  • Pursue and build new friendships with like-minded mommy friends.
  • Implement and manage efficient household budgets and processes.
  • Leverage and enhance culinary skills.
  • Create a clean, cozy and well-designed home for the whole family using houses featured in Coastal Living, Martha Stewart Living and House Beautiful as examples.
  • Manage communications with landlord, property manager, vendors and contractors.
  • Manage supplies and utilities.
  • Coordinate and research opportunities for family outings, trips and vacations.
  • Develop and explore strategies for additional (legal) revenue generation.
  • Create warm meals for hardworking husband and serve with chilled beer upon his return from the office while offering an understanding and welcoming attitude towards him.
  • Plan, decorate and host parties and events.
  • Remember and celebrate child’s birthdays, Fathers Day and wedding anniversary.
  • Execute date nights and other marriage duties.
  • Stay up to date on CPR and emergency preparedness.

Success of the above will be strongly dependent upon the SAHM’s ability to:

  • Build and maintain a healthy, loving and trusting relationship with her husband, her daughter, MIL, own mother and self.
  • Understand the husband’s need for respect.
  • Understand the baby’s needs for love, food and attention.
  • Understand the dog’s needs for food, attention and more food.
  • Understand that she will no longer have any needs.
  • Manage every family member’s expectations and forget her own.
  • Obtain from feeling resentful should Mothers Day not be celebrated with breakfast in bed, extra sleep, spa treatments, a gift card for Anthropologie and handwritten cards by husband and daughter.
  • Provide clear, precise and properly detailed description of own feelings to husband.

Required skills:

  • Seeking God, worshipping Him and praying to Him.
  • Previous experience in Motherhood & Parenting is not required but beneficial.
  • Degree from the Martha Stewart School of Everything is not required but also beneficial.
  • Knowledge of best (grocery) shopping deals, couponing and bargaining are highly preferred.
  • Strong comfort level on the phone, excellent organization, communication and interpersonal skills, to include networking, friendship building, small talking at social gatherings, play groups, and family functions.
  • Works well independently.
  • Is capable of working overtime with limited opportunities to feed self, sleep or rest.
  • Strong project and budget management skills to ensure that family activities and events are implemented on time and within budget.
  • Demonstrates gratitude towards husband for providing for the family so she can be a SAHM.

Benefits:

  • Spending precious time with baby, watching her grow up, never missing a mile stone, being present when she sits up, pulls herself up, cruises, makes her first steps, says ‘Mama’ for the first time or witnessing every other tiny new thing she does.
  • Strong attachment to mother instead of nanny or babysitter.
  • Feeling proud of what she does.
  • Most rewarding investment of her skills and knowledge as she teaches and raises her own child.
  • Opportunities for craft and DIY projects (pending nap schedules).
  • Flexible schedule (pending nap schedules).
  • Health insurance through husband’s employer.
  • Vacation without child and/or husband negotiable.
  • No sick days.
  • Choice of fuel efficient SUV with bluetooth and navigation system.

Compensation:

Contact:

Please send your resume, references, checks, words of wisdom and encouragement, prayers and offers to babysit to thrasherhomeblog [at] gmail [dot] com.

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Comments

  1. LOVE this. SO so so much.

  2. Casa de Castro says:

    Hmmmm. Really. I might be ringing work begging for them to take me back! ;) No no, not really. I’m up for the challenge (as of this minute, anyway). Thanks, Weibke. I really enjoyed this!!

  3. Sharon Kemp says:

    Wow. I wonder how many moms would be SAHM’s (or moms at all) if they had read the job description prior to taking on the position, or even interviewing for the position? Bring on Super Woman!

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