- Share relevant information about our family and
- Paint a picture of what a life with the Thrashers would be like for a child.
A few of my girlfriends and I recently hosted an intimate gathering to honor a dear friend who was expecting her second child, a little girl. Since she didn’t want a(nother) big shower or any of her friends spending lots of time and money on decor and food, we kept it very simple. If you know me or have seen some of the other events I designed, you understand how challenging it was for me to ‘keep it simple’. Here are a few lovely photos showing the cute decor details I put together:
Photography by Paco and Betty
Food by Linda Edson (Aracely Restaurant)
Mr. Thrasher and I took the first step towards adoption when we made our decision to adopt. Which, we strongly believe, originated as a God-given dream in both of our hearts. (Read all about our adoption decision here.)
Step Two was to choose our adoption agency. Our main criteria was that our agency should be a Christian agency. God had to be in and all over this process and we needed our agency workers to speak the “same language”, understand the power of prayer and share the love and compassion of Jesus Christ. We also knew that we wanted to adopt domestically, ideally from California. After hearing only great things from our friends, we decided to contact Bethany Christian Services.
We strive toward a world where every child has a loving family. ~Bethany Christian Services
After a few calls, asking lots of important questions, and discussing our fears and concerns, we submitted our pre-application and attended an information meeting where we learned more about adoption in general. Bethany cares first and foremost for the birthmothers. They love and care for them before, during and after the adoption. Bethany encourages long-lasting, open relationships between birth and adoptive parents. Paul and I now understand that we will not just be welcoming a baby into our family but that we will forever be bound to a loving, courageous mother who selflessly decided that her baby should be raised by us. My heart breaks for her, I’m overwhelmed by empathy for her and astonished by her sacrifice. Our prayers are no longer just about our baby. We pray for the well-being of our baby’s mother. We pray for her emotional stability. For her safety.
Today, we received Bethany’s “Next Step” package. A plain brown envelope on our door step filled with forms, questionnaires, fee schedule (yikes!) and a list of education requirements. Besides a bunch of paperwork, this envelope also contains hope, excitement and joy.
When I was pregnant with Emma, I had the best intentions to teach her Baby Sign Language (based on ASL). I learned that “research studies show that signing with babies accelerates language acquisition, reduces frustration, enhances a child’s self esteem, and deepens the bond between parent and child.”
Even Mr. Thrasher thought it would be a smart idea. Well, that was before baby when we were determined to be Super Parents. In the end, Mr. Thrasher claimed he’s already ‘speaking’ enough languages (PHP, Drupal, Ruby on Rails, Java) and doesn’t have the capacity to learn another language. So it’s just me who is signing and signing and signing. For months, I felt like a clown waving my hands in front of my clueless child without seeing any results. But I kept it up, learned my signing vocabulary with the help of My Smart Hands’ fantastic online dictionary and babysignlanguage.com, and continued to playfully teach Emma.
At the age of 11 months, Emma started signing ‘milk’. Of course. She quickly realized that Mama acted on that sign and decided to use it whenever she wanted anything – food, snacks, water, a hug. Her second sign was ‘dog’. Not a surprise either. Accompanied by a cute, grunting sound and pointing of her tiny finger at our dog Griffin, it is now the first thing she ‘says’ after waking up in the morning. You thought she would be happily throwing her arms around her Mama’s neck…
I began teaching Emma sign language when she was 6 months old. Today, Emma is 15 months old and I love seeing the results of my teaching efforts.
And truth be told, it does reduce frustration and it certainly creates a fun, interactive bond with my daughter. I can tell she’s adorably proud when I praise her for showing me the correct sign. She also seems eager to learn more. But more importantly, she seems to have the time of her life. At least, that’s how I interpret that big smile on her pretty face when she signs and we communicate with each other.
Her vocabulary to date includes about 20 signs: milk, eating, dog, cheese, flower, Papa, Jesus, taking a bath, please, shoes, socks, (teddy) bear, bed, baby, zebra, all done, it’s time/clock, gorilla, monkey and sometimes penguin.
Have you tried sign language with your baby? How is it going?
After scaring expecting or brand new parents with Part 1 and Part 2 of my series ‘Sleepless In The Suburbs’, then leading them on with a slightly more positive Part 3 and Part 4, it’s time to proclaim the good news of victory over all sleep demons.
Back in July/August of last year, after we started with the CIO (Crying It Out) method, Emma quickly showed that she was very well capable of sleeping for 12 hours in one stretch without the need for extra fuel or attention. She was 6 months old at that time. All this nursing in the middle of the night was simply because she wanted the comfort of Mama’s boobies. (Mr. Thrasher says, he can relate.)
For the first few months as new parents it seemed like a never-ending story and I kept asking God why He had to
punish test us with such a difficult baby. Today, I can barely remember when Emma decided that napping in her crib is absolutely refreshing and that she would be ok if I just put her down in her own bed, said ‘Gute Nacht’ and left her in her room to fall asleep. After six stressful, sleepless, exhausting months for all family members, Emma had finally learned to not only go to sleep without fussing at night, she was also cooperating during daytime naps.
As lots of wise (wo)men, doctors, sleep experts and research confirms, babies need the predictability of a daily routine - including naps. (Thrasher Home is not a scientific or medical blog so you won’t find the facts here. But I encourage you to read more about it if you doubt it.) Therefore, we decided that Emma’s sleep schedule, especially bedtime at night, would take priority over our social life. And if that required for either Paul or me to stay home in the evening while Emma was sleeping or getting a babysitter, so shall it be.
The reward for our sacrifice is priceless. Let me share a summary of Emma’s sleeping habits as of the age of 6 months:
- We do feed her before bedtime/naps but she’s always awake when we put her in her bed.
- Emma doesn’t cry when put in her crib and left in her room to fall asleep on her own. Only when she thinks she doesn’t need a nap, she objects loudly. However, this doesn’t happen at night.
- Bedtime is 6.30pm. She is fast asleep by 7pm.
- She mostly goes down for her naps during the day without fussing.
- At almost a year, she still naps twice during the day: around 9.30am and 2pm. I always try to be home or in the car around these times to give her an opportunity to sleep. (She refuses to fall asleep in her stroller.)
- Starting at 6 1/2 months, Emma was sleeping through the night from 6pm to 6am. She usually woke up once around 11pm, fussed softly for less than five minutes and went right back to sleep.
- Emma often plays quietly with her toys after waking up from a nap.
We may as well call each other iDad and iMom…Mr. Thrasher and I share seven screens in our home. That may not be a lot for a home in the Bay Area, the epicenter of tech startups and Apple HQ. On occasion, four of those screens are in use at the same time: A movie or TV show is showing on the TV screen while Mr. Thrasher is quickly fixing a bug (that’s code for he’s software engineering something) and I was just reminded by something someone said on TV to look something up. At some point, both of us receive at least one text or alert which brings our cellphone screens to life. Only the iPad is peacefully resting in its sleeve on the bookshelf.
Quoting an article in the NY Times “technology has become an alienating force in the contemporary home”. Unfortunately, I agree. All too often, I am spending my nights with my husband but not together, while both of us are lost in our own virtual worlds. The other night, we started a game of Words With Friends while we were lying next to each other in bed. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Certainly not romance.
That’s when we realized we had to make a change. A while ago, I invented ‘opening hours’ to limit the time I spent online and thus allow me to focus more on offline quality time with friends and family. I’m happy to report that my daughter definitely benefited from my newly found self-discipline to control the use of electronics. I never neglected my baby because I had an important email to write or text to send. But now I’m also interacting more with her while she’s eating instead of texting or reading her a book in the morning instead of checking emails or having a pillow fight in bed instead of logging into Skype to see if my family in Germany is online.
Back to iDad and iMom and bringing
sexy romance marriage time back. If you haven’t noticed, I need rules and guidelines and going cold turkey to deal with negative habits. Might be the German in me. So I started by deleting all my social media apps from my phone (read here why I took a hiatus from Facebook a while ago), I’m also turning my phone off on most nights and am charging it in the living room instead of next to my bed, on road trips we’re using our phones only for navigation purposes, to find a kid-/dog-friendly restaurant on Yelp or to make phone calls. By the way, car trips are excellent opportunities to connect with your spouse. And don’t forget to ‘talk’ with your toddler on the backseat.
The icing on the iCake, however is the No-Screen Sundays at Thrasher Home: On Sundays we refrain from logging into our computers, playing games on our phones or turning on the TV. Only exception: If we have truly important things to take care of that can’t wait. Speaking of important…my iBaby just woke up from her morning nap. Which means my computer goes into Sleep mode.
How iFamily are you? Do you let your toddler play with your electronics?
While a lot of events from those early days as new parents are now just blurry memories, Mr. Thrasher and I still remember almost every dish our friends brought us during that time. Paul goes as far as claiming that the meal delivery was the best thing about having a new baby. (We won’t tell our daughter.)
As mommy and daddy will worry about feeding baby, good friends and family often offer to feed mommy and daddy. Especially a new mom will need regular, healthy, nutritious food to boost her energy to keep up with the demands of a new baby.
Inspired by never-ending news of pregnancies in our circle of friends and thus many more meals to take to their homes, I thought I’d share some tips on how to ensure that your meal delivery is indeed a blessing.
- There’s an app for that. You’ll still have to make and deliver your meal but there are a lot of websites available that make scheduling the meal deliveries easy as pie (pun intended). Personally, I’m a fan of Meal Train. It allows you to enter details like preferred drop off time, dietary restrictions and you can save your delivery date into your Google calendar.
- Use disposable containers. Being a fan of jute bags and hater of paper plates and plastic silverware, I cringe a bit putting this tip on my blog. But I think this is a valid exception as you really don’t want your friends to worry about keeping track of who brought what serverware.
- Is your meal appropriate? When choosing a recipe or dish to bring consider specific dietary needs, allergies or if your mommy friend is nursing. You may want to avoid any foods that can cause gas for mommy and baby, for example: beans, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, onions. Look for long-lasting dishes like soups, stews, and curries instead of a mixed salad that will be soggy after a short while. Casseroles may be old-fashioned but they are easy to prepare, heat up and last for several meals. If your friends are from another country or even another state, they might be thrilled to receive a traditional meal that reminds them of home.
- Make lots of food. We loved it when friends brought enough food for us to enjoy for lunch the following day. So grateful for that extra blessing!
- Make it complete. Add a side (those pre-packaged salad mixes are easy to fix) or a loaf of bread, an after-dinner treat and beverages. If you’re time-strapped and can’t afford to spend hours in the kitchen, think about picking up a pint of ice cream or pre-made fruit salad. And for the beverage, Daddy may enjoy a chilled beer. I know Mr. Thrasher did. Think about treats like cupcakes or cookies that Mommy can enjoy single-handedly while nursing the baby.
- Make it pretty. Add a special touch by writing a cute card or label the food containers with hand-written stickers and include pretty napkins.
- When to drop off your meal. Plan on delivering your meal at a time that’s most convenient for the new parents. Call ahead to confirm your ETA. Think about preparing your dish the night before or sign up for a weekend day to bring a meal if your family or work schedule don’t give you much time to cook an extra meal.
- Don’t linger. Even if your friends don’t say anything or seem to be having a great time, now is not a good time to ask all your questions about their birth story. Keep your visit short. New parents need rest and privacy. And they probably can’t wait to enjoy your meal!
- Leave the kids at home. This is probably easier said than done. Every new mother/father is different but I remember very well how stressed and overwhelmed I was with the simple task of opening the door for my friends. You don’t want to burden your friends by having your own child running around or possibly spreading germs. Ask your spouse to watch the kids while you make your delivery.
- Speaking of kids…If you’re cooking meals for adults and kids, make something age-appropriate and check with the parents about food allergies.
- you find yourself googling “infant poop color”.
- date nights mean a Netflix movie and a glass of wine on the couch. Find more fun parenthood terminology here.
- your own bedtime moves up to 9pm.
- you suddenly understand that post-partem depression is to be taken seriously and not some desperate attempt of a lonely mother to get attention.
- you laugh at the thought of wearing white.
- you think a man carrying a diaper bag or wearing a baby in an Ergo is hot.
- you consider necklaces and dangling earrings choking hazards.
- you exchange your purse for a bag big enough to fit the entire nursery.
- your pediatrician’s phone number takes your hair dresser’s place in your favorites.
- a pony tail means “styling your hair”.
- your baby’s first birthday party is planned in more detail than your wedding.
- you seriously contemplate what to wear for a Pajama & Pancakes party.
- BYOB doesn’t refer to alcoholic beverages.
- you are more afraid of vaccinations for your little one than being poked with a needle yourself.
- you spend your personal money on cute baby clothes and toys instead of manicures and shoes.
- your iPhoto library takes over your computer memory.
- you choose restaurants based on availability of high chairs, changing tables, kids’ menu and easy parking.
- you choose furniture based on its function, not its design and beauty.
- you bury your dream of a MINI convertible and start test-driving SUVs.
- you blog more about diaper rash and play dates than interior design and fashion.
- you spend 30 minutes chopping and steaming organic vegetables for your little gourmet while you just snack on crackers.
- you had a revelation of God’s commandment to honor your father and mother.
- you want to thank your own mother every day for everything she did for you. Everything.
- you suddenly want your mother-in-law come to visit at least once a month.
- you’re not afraid to sing in public just to soothe your crying baby.
- you previously spotless car now looks like the cookie monster moved in.
- your husband can’t get into the liquor cabinet anymore because he can’t figure out the childproof lock.
This blog post is dedicated to the wonderful hair dressers and their influence in our lives. In my opinion, finding the perfect hair dresser is harder than choosing your OB-Gyn. Mr. Thrasher, for instance – no, he did not have to choose an OB-Gyn – had been with his hair dresser for longer than we’ve been married. I’d lie if I said I wasn’t a bit jealous of their relationship.
Finding a good hair stylist who’s great with cuts and color is probably one of the biggest challenges a modern city girl faces. But once you found her/him, you become One and go together through bangs, layers, brunette, blonde, short and long.
Besides trusting your hair dresser with your very specific requests for blonde highlights as well as your brutal transformation from California Beach Blonde (Double Income, No Kids) to Budget Brunette (Single Income With Baby), you eventually start confiding in her during those frequent hair salon visits. You’ve got time to kill (lots of time if you’re doing color), and instead of giving into gossipping by reading People magazine, you converse with the person massaging your
Soon enough, you’ll find yourself chatting about your marriage, your baby, work, family, your dreams and fears, travel plans and home decor. Just to make sure you’re still at a salon and not your shrink’s office, you look around. You realize that all the other customers are also lost in deep conversation with the (wo)man treating their hair. Between conditioner and cut, your amazing hair dresser advises you on the best beaches for kids in Hawaii, tricks for successful puppy training, and gift ideas for your spouse. The blow dry comes with a recommendation for a magic diaper rash treatment (corn starch, anyone?) and while they swipe your credit card, you’ll get the scoop on the newest restaurant in town.
Hair dressers are angels in disguise. If you found one, treat her/him with respect, tip her/him well and recommend her/him to your friends. Not too often, though. You don’t want your angel to be too busy to
counsel you cut your hair.
Emily, Vanessa and Lisa, this post is for you. You make us look good and this world a better place.
Yikes, Thrasher Home looks kinda unfinished right now. It’s ok, you can be honest. It’s like a new house that I’ve just moved into. Exciting empty spaces, promising decor ideas. Yet, you wouldn’t necessarily host a party just yet. Walls still need to be painted, there’s no name on the door bell yet, no art is hanging on the walls, only a few necessities have been unpacked while the rest is still sitting in boxes in the basement.
Please bear with me as I’m in the process of a major blog make over: Fresh design, new framework, improved navigation, less categories, more widgets. Goal is to have everything ready by November 1st when I launch my Adoption Awareness Blog Project.
Also, I really don’t like that header that came with my new blog theme. If you have mad photoshop skills and a bit of spare time on your hands, please let me know. I’d cook for you, watch your baby, make favors for your next event, organize your closet – you name it.
- Whatcha think of the new design so far?