Thrasher Home

Called To Care :: Our Adoption

Wiebke — Mon, 06 May 2013 03:55:33 +0000

We are adoptive parents. We are not just talking, blogging, praying or thinking about it. After completing yet another application and attending an all-day seminar at our adoption agency (read here about our choice of agency), we made our first payment to the agency. Not that we are excited about spending money but this step marks another milestone in our adoption process. We are officially in their system as adoptive parents.

But first things first: Thanks to another wedding planning job and an anniversary gift from Grandma we were able to reach half of our adoption fundraising goal. Hallelujah. (On that note: Please do recommend my affordable yet excellent wedding planning services to that friend of yours who just got engaged!)

By now, Paul and I have read several books on domestic infant adoption, completed online classes, attended informative conference calls, and last Friday we drove out to the Central Valley of Northern California to join other adoptive couples for a seminar at our adoption agency. We would also meet our social worker for the first time. I was excited and a bit nervous.

We had planned to leave early but still just made it on time. (A classic disagreement between husband and wife: For Him, being on time means arriving when the event begins. For Me, it means arriving at least 15 minutes early.) Entering the conference room, I quickly noticed the melting pot of ethnicities and socio-demographics our intimate group of “parents to be” formed. A seminar-typical icebreaker exercise got us all quickly to chat and bond over our joint adventure. By lunch time, we were all friends.

Often couples turn to adoption after suffering through infertility. We (thankfully) can’t relate to the grief and feelings of loss that surface as couples struggle with infertility. Mr. Thrasher and I simply have a strong desire to grow our family through adoption. One may say God planted that dream in each of our hearts and our marriage was created to lead us to adopt. Too spiritual? Stay with me.

A calling is God’s personal, individual invitation to carry out the unique task He has for you.

As agency workers, a birth mom and a panel of adoptive parents shared information and stories, I had a revelation of the ministry adoption really is. Yes, we will have to pay a scary amount of money for the adoption but I can now see even clearer how this money is used to do God’s work. Along with the heartache, grief and darkness of adoption, comes healing, new life, a clean slate, an abundance of love and (sometimes) salvation. Not just for the children. But also for the birth mothers. And even for the adoptive parents.

That day, God’s voice spoke to us louder than ever. We know His calling for us to adopt will bring great challenges, doubt and frustration. We know not all of our friends are committed to supporting our adoption. (And that’s ok.) We know some family members still have lots of questions. (And so do we.) We know we are required to trim our spendings even more. (Can we ask friends and family to donate money while we still occasionally pay $4 for a latte or buy new shoes?) We won’t succeed at this task on our own. Only through the constant guidance and reassurance of the Holy Spirit will we be able to carry out this mission.

We left the meeting with more conviction, more faith, more courage, and more love for our new baby, its birth mother and her family.

And for one another.

On our drive home we made plans for teaching Emma about adoption, prayed over our next steps and were giddy like teenagers in love. We still don’t have a timeline and we never will but we know we are expecting, our family is growing and God is with us.

P.S.: If you are a follower of Jesus, will you join me in praying this prayer?

I pray that the church will be called to care for orphans in a way that leads more Christian families to adopt, to support other families who adopt, and to fight for legislation that makes adoption more accessible. By God’s grace, may every child who needs a permanent home become part of a loving family. In Jesus’ mighty name, we pray. Amen.

Let Go Of That Toy! :: Be The Person You Want Your Child To Become

Wiebke — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 20:47:13 +0000

The other day something awful happened: Our babysitter quit. She will be working full time for another mother. (Imagine me throwing a time-out worthy tantrum that makes me want to send myself to my room.) I am upset. Disappointed. Sad. Doesn’t that other mom know the Ten Commandments of Motherhood? Thou shall not covet another mother’s babysitter. Our babysitter is wonderful with my daughter. My daughter adores her. Every Thursday morning when I ask Emma “Who is coming today?”, she squeals full of excitement her name and runs to the window hoping she would already be there.

I feel a similar sense of excitement towards the end of every Wednesday knowing that the next day, I would finally get a break, have a bit of me time to recharge my empty batteries, refresh my soul or simply run errands, clean the house, do laundry and schedule doctor appointments. I recently picked up a few freelance projects so I also need this day to work.

That morning, when I was told that I would lose that precious ‘day to myself’, I couldn’t help but wonder if the other mother cared about our family’s needs for a babysitter or if she was solely driven by the urgency her family experienced in finding someone to watch her son while she was at work. Affordability was another big deal for us. As we are preparing to adopt, we can’t afford to spend much money on the luxury of ‘giving Mama a day off‘. Our sweet babysitter didn’t charge much. Why was this blessing taken from us?

But this story isn’t about condemnation, judgement or injustice. It’s about being an example.

Here’s a confession: My Achilles’ heel is that I am an emotional person. I am easily affected or stirred by emotions. Emotional eating, emotional outbursts, talking back, acting before thinking or praying (I can see my therapist nod as she’s reading this.). My girl Joyce [Meyer] puts it so well in her book “Managing Your Emotions”: Wisdom calmly looks ahead to determine how a decision will affect the future, emotions are only concerned with what is going on at this very moment. Ha!

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

James 5:16 encourages us to confess our faults to one another so that our hearts and minds may be healed and restored.

As you can tell, I’m working on it. I am aware of Satan’s trap trying to defeat my trust in God. Just like he did that morning. I reacted based on my emotions. I know when anger arises, I need to turn to my exit strategy: Pray and call my husband or a trusted friend to vent. By all means, hold your tongue.

That morning, I needed an intervention…

As I’m constantly trying to figure out how to teach my daughter to love, respect and be grateful, I’m learning so much about myself. When I see Emma’s temper tantrums and her taking a swing at our dog or worse, her own Mama, I don’t allow myself or her the excuse of “Oh, well, she is in the Terrible Twos. This is normal.” or “She must be tired.” I see emotional outbursts. I see a lack of control of her tongue. I see the need for discipline and, more importantly, I see the urgency of teaching my little girl about love, selflessness and forgiveness. Especially, when I take a look at myself and my own struggles with emotions. I would be ignorant not to be alert and start training her heart now.

I had just started reading “Don’t Make Me Count To Three”. A book about the practical application of scripture to disciplining children. According to the author, we must reach past the behavior of our children and get a better understanding of their hearts. As the heart is the foundation of all behavior. She gives a very relevant example in her book as she describes how her younger daughter is trying to take a toy away from her older brother who was happily playing with it.

We normally would ask “Who had it first?” to establish justice. But it all changes if we take a look at where their hearts should be in such a situation. Both children are simply being selfish and their actions are basically saying “I don’t care about your happiness. I want this toy right now and don’t care what that means to you”. Can you see where I am going with this?

That morning, after our babysitter quit, I found myself sitting on the cold floor in our garage crying to my husband who was trying to leave for work. Enter Holy Spirit. His appearance was ignited by a text my friend sent me after I vented to her. She reminded me that it is no one’s fault. It’s just life. But God will provide. Just like He once provided before.

I felt a shift in my heart.

How can I expect my 2-year old daughter to foster an attitude of love and kindness if I couldn’t be an example for her? If above all, my desire for my daughter is to behave in a way that glorifies God (and how often do we sit in our church’s moms group claiming that to be our goal?), I have no choice but display a Christ-like thinking and acting for myself. How could I teach her to not fight over a toy and learn to let it go while I was selfishly holding on to something I treasured instead of granting it to someone who obviously needed it more?

Suddenly, I felt peace. How come all these parenting books I’m reading to be a better mother are actually teaching me to be a better woman? I am not pridefully padding my back. And my story isn’t about conquering a severe or life-threatening issue either. But I am challenging you – and myself – to truly examine our own behavior as we raise our children. No matter how many books and blogs on parenting we are reading, we won’t be able to harvest righteousness in our children if we don’t display it ourselves.

What is your weakness when it comes to being an example for your kids? Do you eat French Fries and chocolate behind their backs while you preach them how bad that food is for you? Spill it, sister.

Easter Means New Beginnings :: Tiny Treats

Wiebke — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 00:12:47 +0000

If the thought of your toddler twirling non-stop due to a massive sugar rush makes you nauseous, I might have just the right idea for a little Easter treat for your kiddo.

This grosses me out.

Our next project as soon as the weather is nice again.

While I am not a big fan of candy-filled Easter baskets for kids – no matter what age – I don’t necessarily want Emma to miss out on sweet treats completely. The Lindt Chocolate Bunny wrapped in gold foil will always have a cameo on Easter, for instance. It’s a childhood memory for myself and reminds me of home. However, I try to find other fun alternatives to add to Emma’s basket and to give to her friends.

Inspired by a lovely idea for recycling used juice containers (found on Repurposed Recycled Reused Reclaimed Restored‘s Facebook page) and driven by my endless desire to ~~keep Emma distracted~~ teach Emma, I thought a package of seeds would be the perfect filler for the Easter goodie bags for her friends. Easter is the celebration of new beginnings after all.

Emma assembled the goodie bags all by herself. I just protected the bunnies from being eaten and stapled the bag toppers.

Here’s what you need:

package of organic carrot seeds (found at Target)
Lindt Gold Mini Chocolate Bunnies (found at World Market or Target)
clear treat bags 4″ wide (found at Beverly’s or Party City)
white cardstock paper (found at Michaels) or normal paper
free printable bag toppers designed by Thrasher Home (download below)

EasterBagTopper_byThrasherHome

Front of free printable bag topper.

Customizable back of free printable bag topper.

This was Emma’s Easter treat for her friends. Sign up for blog updates here so you won’t miss the cute idea I came up with for my friends.

What’s Next? :: Our Adoption

Wiebke — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 14:00:13 +0000

Sometimes, I think it’s hard for friends and family to relate to our adoption because we don’t have a due date. We don’t even have a timeframe to share. And besides me getting bigger from eating a lot, it’s not visible that we will have another baby. The adoption process involves many steps, requires lots of paperwork and is not necessarily easy to follow. Someone once said: It’s like going through a divorce, moving countries all by yourself, battling a rare disease or running your own business – if you haven’t had to deal with it, you simply can’t know what it feels like. So I want to shed a bit of light and give you a better understanding of how we are preparing for adoption, where we stand, how much every step costs and what’s supposed to happen next. (Take a look at my posts about Adoption Myth Busters Part One and Two to gain further understanding of the complex process of adoption.)

We submitted a pre-application to our agency (read more about our choice of adoption agency here) and attended an orientation meeting (via conference call). Currently, Paul and I are completing a list of education requirements: Read books, take online courses and watch videos while completing exercises. Once all books are read, courses completed and questionnaires filled out, we will submit an official application to our agency along with $500. Considering that we will get approved, we then move on to the family assessment or home study.

Home studies differ by agency, state and country. For us, the home study consists of home visits by a social worker, interviews (joint and separate), training, health statements, income statements, lots of document gathering action, background checks, a day-long Education Seminar and references. The above steps then conclude with a home study report written by the social worker. On average, the home study takes between 3 and 6 months to complete and will cost us about $3,000 (including document processing and such). In addition, the administrative agency fee of $10,500 is due. At this time, we will be able to apply for adoption grants.

All throughout our adoption (and likely even after a baby is placed with us), we will be raising funds to cover all of our adoption fees and expenses. Adopting – whether domestically or internationally – is incredibly expensive. We are looking at roughly $29,000. Only by faith and with the generous help of others, we will be able to afford our adoption. We have saved up a decent amount of money but are far from having all the funds we will need available to us. Our fundraising efforts are proving to be a great bonding experience for Mr. Thrasher and I. Even Emma has been excited about helping out. (Emma’s Lemonade Stand is now famous in our neighborhood.) And we believe that it opens up the opportunity for friends and family to get involved and become a vital part of our adoption journey. Even if you can’t donate, you can share our story, educate others about adoption or simply pray for us, our baby and the expectant mother who will be choosing us to raise her child. Find out what else you could do to help us make a home for a baby and visit our Fundraising page.

Soon enough it will be time to prepare our adoptive family profile. This will be one of the most important first impressions we will ever make on any expectant mother/parent who is considering to make an adoption plan. It will address expectant mothers/parents talk about our likes, our goals and dreams, how we met, how we raise Little Thrasher, why we want to adopt, how we celebrate holidays, who our friends are, what our home, our church, our city looks like and much more. It will be an introduction to the expectant mother/parents and allows them to get to know us as a potential forever family for their child. It basically has to accomplish two things:

Share relevant information about our family and
Paint a picture of what a life with the Thrashers would be like for a child.

Once we have written, designed, printed, shared, uploaded and sent out our family profile, we will be officially ‘a waiting family’. Waiting to be chosen to give a baby a loving home and family.

(to be continued)

A Is For Apple :: A Baby Shower

Wiebke — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 23:07:14 +0000

A few of my girlfriends and I recently hosted an intimate gathering to honor a dear friend who was expecting her second child, a little girl. Since she didn’t want a(nother) big shower or any of her friends spending lots of time and money on decor and food, we kept it very simple. If you know me or have seen some of the other events I designed, you understand how challenging it was for me to ‘keep it simple’. Here are a few lovely photos showing the cute decor details I put together:

Handmade “G is for Girl” garland.

Delicious food served by Linda Edson, amazingly talented chef and owner of Aracely Restaurant in San Francisco.

Tasty desserts made and styled by Linda.

Emma didn’t mind that I borrowed her chalkboard easel from IKEA.

I used organic apples, baker’s twine and designed cute Thank You tags to make the favors.

Brown lunch bags held a little treat for the guests to take home.

Love the apple stamp I found at Paper Source.

Credits:

Photography by Paco and Betty

Food by Linda Edson (Aracely Restaurant)

Living A Life That Matters :: But Where Do I Begin?

Wiebke — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 14:00:04 +0000

Image Source: Motivationblog.org

What am I doing with my life? Where are my passions? How can I make a difference?

One day, I want to look back at my life and know that it counted. That I did something that mattered. Something besides loving my husband, raising my child(ren), respecting my parents, caring about my friends and volunteering for a few good causes.

But what is that “something that matters”? And how and where do I start?

Ha, there it was! The first obstacle. I am contemplating and pondering way too much. My friend Lindsey once said:

Analysis leads to paralysis.

We often tend to worry about the if’s and but’s so much that we are already scared before we even got off our couch.

First, it obviously helps to have a dream or a crazy-heaps-of-faith-required desire to change the world. Grab a piece of paper and start right there:

What would you want to do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about resources, time and energy? Write down whatever comes to mind.

Here are the first thoughts that came to my mind:

A family for every child: no more orphans or children without families
Education for all: excellent, affordable education for everyone
No more heartbreak: Reconcile every broken relationship

I barely have the capacity to make dinner for my family of three at the end of a day, we have to ask others for help as we are raising funds for our adoption, and I can’t even reconcile my own relationships.

Today, during our moms small group meeting, I was reminded that it’s better to do something than to do nothing at all. Every person of influence had to start small. We read about those role models today or wear t-shirts with their inspiring quotes because they once took the first step.

Today, I was also told about a book called “Refuse To Do Nothing“. It’s about the brutal worlds of human trafficking and modern-day slavery. But even more so, it is a call-to-action and answers the question: But what can I do?

The authors? Two women. With kids. Full-time moms who juggle busy schedules and manage their homes. Moms who kept wondering how they could make a difference for those who are suffering while folding laundry, cheering on their kids from the sidelines of a soccer field and being stuck in line picking up their kids from school.

I guess my first step should be to read said book.

A topic I care deeply about. Image Source: StyleTails

As my friends and I continue to talk about how we as stay-at-home moms can lead a life with purpose, I kept asking myself how and where will I actually be able to make a difference. Then, we followed this simple exercise:

Think about your dreams. What desires did God put on your heart? If you don’t believe in God: Ask yourself which topics stir you up, get your blood boiling, make you angry/sad/contemplative? What do you fight for, believe in?

Think about what you can do in the next…
- 10 minutes
- 10 days
- 10 months

Find your partners in crime. Some of my best friends are those who hold me accountable without judgement. Best friends don’t laugh about your dreams or think you’ve lost your mind. They pray with you, encourage and motivate, share their own dreams and hopefully even walk with you. Stick to those people in your life and ask them to help you stay on task.

Now, off to…doing something.

What is your crazy dream? How did you get started? Is there something that is holding you back?

The Agency :: Step Two :: Our Adoption

Wiebke — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 01:47:33 +0000

Mr. Thrasher and I took the first step towards adoption when we made our decision to adopt. Which, we strongly believe, originated as a God-given dream in both of our hearts. (Read all about our adoption decision here.)

Step Two was to choose our adoption agency. Our main criteria was that our agency should be a Christian agency. God had to be in and all over this process and we needed our agency workers to speak the “same language”, understand the power of prayer and share the love and compassion of Jesus Christ. We also knew that we wanted to adopt domestically, ideally from California. After hearing only great things from our friends, we decided to contact Bethany Christian Services.

We strive toward a world where every child has a loving family. ~Bethany Christian Services

After a few calls, asking lots of important questions, and discussing our fears and concerns, we submitted our pre-application and attended an information meeting where we learned more about adoption in general. Bethany cares first and foremost for the birthmothers. They love and care for them before, during and after the adoption. Bethany encourages long-lasting, open relationships between birth and adoptive parents. Paul and I now understand that we will not just be welcoming a baby into our family but that we will forever be bound to a loving, courageous mother who selflessly decided that her baby should be raised by us. My heart breaks for her, I’m overwhelmed by empathy for her and astonished by her sacrifice. Our prayers are no longer just about our baby. We pray for the well-being of our baby’s mother. We pray for her emotional stability. For her safety.
Today, we received Bethany’s “Next Step” package. A plain brown envelope on our door step filled with forms, questionnaires, fee schedule (yikes!) and a list of education requirements. Besides a bunch of paperwork, this envelope also contains hope, excitement and joy.

Being Still Vs. Being Still :: Another Adoption Update

Wiebke — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:52:02 +0000

I read this somewhere: “Remember if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!” Isn’t this encouraging?

Shortly after posting my recent adoption update, friends started asking me why we decided to start fundraising for our adoption? They were confused because I had just told everyone that we would “be still and wait” (for God). So all this activity around our garage sale, the “Make A Change By Giving Change” baby bottles and our fancy, new PayPal donation button, came as a surprise to some.

I designed this logo for our adoption.

For us “being still” doesn’t mean sitting on our couch, twiddling our thumbs and waiting for God to bring us a miracle. It simply means to be faithful, to not panic and to trust Him. It means “having peace, being calm”. While we feel peace about our situation and know that God has us covered, we also believe that faith without action is dead. I don’t think God can move if we don’t move.

In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. ~James 2:17

That said, we are kicking off our adoption fundraising campaign but won’t be stressing out about it. As someone who struggles with high expectations, I might need you to remind me to be ok with whatever the outcome will be. I do believe that part of God’s provision are the many friends who are, have been and will be supporting us on our way to making a home for a baby.

What do you think about fundraising? How would you find ways to raise money?

Get Involved And Make A Difference :: Adoption Fundraising

Wiebke — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 17:46:37 +0000

Baby Bottle Bank (on-going)

This is how everyone – even Emma’s little friends – can make a not-so-small ¢hange: A baby bottle serves as a piggy bank. All of our loose and randomly found change goes straight into that baby bottle. It seems too small to make a difference but before you know it, you’ll have a few dollars saved up.

If you’d like to replace that catch-all at your front door where you put your change, we’ll bring you a baby bottle too. Just toss your spare change into that bottle, let us know when it’s full and we’ll come pick it up or switch it with an empty one!

This has been a lot of fun for Emma to learn the idea of “putting money aside and saving it”. If you’re interested in getting a baby bottle, contact me at thrasherhomeblog [at] gmail [dot] com or leave a comment (with your email address).

Pancake For A Purpose (Fall)

For one month, we will be serving all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast including coffee or juice for you and your little ones. Kids eat free. More info about location, time, price and menu will follow.

Online Donations (on-going)

See the PayPal button on the right side of this page? Just click and donate securely via PayPal.

Thanks for making a difference for a child!

Be Still, And Know That I Am God :: A Long Overdue Adoption Update

Wiebke — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 08:10:20 +0000

“Be still, and know that I am God.” ~Psalm 46:10

Serenity found in Maui, HI.

Psalm 46:10 encourages us to reflect on what God can do in the face of what we are unable to do. Sounds pretty much like the headline of our adoption story which, at this time, is not necessarily a story yet. It’s more like a draft or outline.

Most of the times, our desire to adopt seems so unrealistic, so unreachable, so impossible. Last year, we thought, we’d be in a great position to get started with the adoption process: Attend the workshops and online classes, read the obligatory materials, submit our application and maybe even complete our homestudy. You might have followed my Adoption Awareness Blog Project or joined our excitement when we announced that We Are Expecting Again. Then, Thrasher Home went awfully quiet all of last year, very few posts, no word about our adoption. Dear friends, I owe you an update:

A call to the adoption agency of our choice in January of last year made us slow down, rethink our approach and finally turn to God for advice. We were told by a very sweet agency worker that it may not be a wise decision to start the process considering the little funds we had available to us. It may not work in our favor if we had to interrupt the process while trying to save or raise more money to move on to the next step. With only one income and a tight monthly expense budget, we were only making small progress towards our adoption savings goal of $29,000. When we called the agency, we had merely $4,000 in our savings account. (Just reading these numbers again makes me nauseous.)

While I was disappointed and sad, Paul received a word from God that Sunday in church. God told him that we need to be still and trust His timing. Certainly not a mind-blowing revelation but as usual God’s timing was perfect: Paul’s regained confidence, helped me understand that we were trying too hard to force our own agenda. We were desperately trying to control the situation.

Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. ~Psalm 37:7 (GWT)

There it was.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” [...] ~ 2 Corinthians 2:9

Yes, more of that, please.

Family peace.

The most important thing Paul reminded me off is that this adoption will happen. We will add to our family through adoption. Only God knows when. In the meantime, we must not be discouraged but be faithful. And surrender.

The American evangelist D.L. Moody once said that “If you partner with God, make your plans big!”. Our plans are big indeed…

Do you have any big plans that require someone like the Almighty as a partner? How did you surrender? Did you already reach the end? Do share. We appreciate any words of encouragement, prayers and stories.