- You are your child’s mother. Your child may also have a grandmother, a godmother, maybe even an adoptive mother. Your child also may wish for another mother every now and then but that’s a different story. (“You shall have no other gods in My presence.“)
- You shall not worship ERGOs, pacifiers or white noise machines nor idolize your pediatrician or Dr. Harvey Karp. (“You shall not make for yourself an idol…You shall not…worship them…”)
- Don’t swear, for Heaven’s sake! Your little one may copy your foul mouth sooner than you think. And what the $*?*$& are you gonna do then, huh? (“Do not swear falsely by the name of the Lord.“)
- You’re a mother. There are no ‘days off’. The Lord may have been able to rest after creating the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them. You, however, will not get any rest until your child moves out. (“Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.”)
- Your children honor you. No, really. Deep, deep, deep, very deep down your rebellious teenager adores you. Vice versa you’ve found a new appreciation for your own mother as she makes for
cheapamazing babysitters. (“Honor your father and your mother.”)
- You shall not kill. Sleep deprivation doesn’t count as a legitimate excuse for murder. (“Do not murder.”)
- Saggy boobs, lack of libido, lingering pregnancy weight will not drive your husband into the arms of another woman. And soiled diapers are probably the only dirty thoughts you have. (“Do not commit adultery.”)
- Just because you accidentally forget stuff in the storage compartment of your stroller doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay for it. (“Do not steal.”)
- You shall not gossip or spread lies about other mommies on the playground. No matter how perfect they are. (“Do not bear false witness against your neighbor.”)
- You shall not covet other mothers’ strollers, diaper bags, bodies, husbands, babysitters, babies who sleep through the night nor their SUV’s or anything that is theirs. (“Do not covet your neighbor’s wife.”)
The 11. Commandment: No mother should ever have to apologize or feel bad for being late, canceling or rescheduling plans due to her baby’s sleeping patterns (or lack thereof).
Can I get an Amen, sisters?